Discipline: To lead, guide, and teach your children
All parents want to do their best to raise healthy, happy, well-adjusted children. The following tips are intended to give parents a place to start, with some positive ideas on discipline that may work for you and your family.

Family Rules
Children need clear limits and boundaries. Some guidelines for setting rules are:

• Keep it simple. Limit the number of rules to a very few. Make rules realistic and age-appropriate.
• Be clear. Say, "Be home at 10pm," instead of "Don't be too late."
• Establish appropriate discipline. Decide ahead of time what happens when rules are broken. Consequences should fit the misbehavior. If a toy is thrown, taking it away for a few hours is appropriate.
• Give kids a voice. When they help make the rules, they are more likely to obey them.

Some guidelines for enforcing rules are:

• Be calm, clear, and consistent.
• Express disapproval of the behavior, not the child.
• Direct children. Tell them what to do. For example, "No standing in the tub. Sit, please."
• Say, "Subject closed." When you've heard the request and stated your answer, there is no need to discuss it further. Do not respond to any continuing complaints or tantrums.
• Present a united front. It is important that your spouse and other caregivers provide consistency as well. Children sometimes try to pit one parent against the other.

Some guidelines for avoiding power struggles and encouraging good behavior are:

• For toddlers, move breakable and dangerous objects out of their reach.
• Use physical redirection for young children. If a child reaches for something they shouldn't touch, hand them a better plaything, saying, "Look at THIS toy."
• Establish routines. Routines, like reading a bedtime story, help children feel more secure and let them know what to expect.
• Give realistic, not open-ended, choices. Instead of saying, "What would you like to wear today?" say, "Would you like to wear your red dress or your blue dress?"
• Plan transition time. It's difficult for kids to change activities quickly. Prepare them in advance. For example, "As soon as you finish your juice, it's bath-time."
• Use humor and games. Instead of, "Help me clean up your room," say "Let's see who can put away the most toys!"

Some suggestions for positive discipline:

• Give praise, hugs, and privileges for good behavior. Rewarding positive behavior works better than punishing misbehavior.
• Adopt a non-hitting attitude. Studies show that spanking, contrary to popular belief, is not an effective way to discipline.
• Set a good example. Your children learn by imitating you. To teach manners, use words like "please" and "thank you" yourself.
• Learn what to expect from children at every age. Toddlers have tantrums; preschoolers are active. Discipline that works for one stage may not work for another.
• Listen to your children. Respect their ideas and try to understand their point of view.

Parenting is the toughest job, but it's the job that matters most.
There are no easy answers to the question, "How do I discipline my kids?" We all have times when we lose our patience and need some extra help. Getting support and information is the key to positive parenting.

• Consider a parenting class or book on child development. The more you learn, the easier it gets!
• Ask for help. A child's misbehavior may be caused by a medical condition or other problem.
• Talk to other parents. It can be a relief to know you're not the only parent who feels frustrated.
• Take care of yourself. When you are tired, small problems can seem huge.

Our Tips on Discipline are available in a downloadable brochure. To download brochures, you must have Adobe Acrobat, which you can download for free by clicking here.

To receive brochures by mail, call us, toll-free in Massachusetts, 888-775-4KIDS.

Special thanks to:

The Children's Trust Fund of Wisconsin
The Children's Trust Fund of Connecticut
The Cooperative Extension of the University of Massachusetts
Prevent Child Abuse America
Family Nurturing Center
Rae Simpson, Family Resource Center, Massachusetts Institute of Technology
Peggy Kaufman, Jewish Family and Children's Services
Fran Litman, Massachusetts Parenting Education Network

Visit CTF's award-winning online parenting resource, onetoughjob.org, for information and tips 24/7.